As simple as that, everything is not okay. Maybe I’m just tired but I’m very negative today. I mean there is so much I want to say but when is the right time? There never seems to be a right.
Nobody should blame themselves, it’s my own fault. I bring it on myself. The mistakes I’ve made are going to stay with me forever, I can accept that but can other people? This is the only thought I keep thinking. Finding somebody that knows nothing of my past might have to be the way forward, it’s probably why I want to start a fresh somewhere new. Obviously they’ll know my past in time but not to begin with.
Another reason is because I’m quite open about my commitment issues. This hasn’t helped though which is the funny part. Why should I commitment to anyone when anybody that I’ve wanted to have either hurt me or not wanted to. Again, I don’t blame them for this. We all have faults but maybe mine are just unavoidable.
People will say don’t blame yourself but it’s quite difficult not to. Over time it’s the only thought you can have, ‘I must be the problem’. I’ve said in the blog before they I will rise again and I plan to. One comfort that I can fall back on is that somebody on this planet will be going through the same thing at the same time. All I need is for somebody to remind me that everything will be okay.